I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
