My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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