omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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