If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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