Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
