i barfeds in our rink
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
jump out the window naked night went bad
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
