Swine flu. Run for my life!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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