I wish I could teleport
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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