Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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