see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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