he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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