i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
