im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina is officially offended.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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