I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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