he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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