I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
