dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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