can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
