just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
