new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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