i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
