ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i've created a new STD.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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