we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
