Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
