When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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