The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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