Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
