i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
