i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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