and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm at about main and main street
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
