Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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