The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Moan for me like Helen Keller
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
