No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
