You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
