They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
