I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
