I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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