Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
