I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
