okay pat passed out under dana's car
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
