it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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