i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
