this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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