He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
