pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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