We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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