If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
