Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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