Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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