We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
