the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize