Your mouth is God's brothel.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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