I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
