Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
