I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
