I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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