woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
