That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
