girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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