he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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