a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
