dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
