from now on my penis is your penis
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
