just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
