You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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